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We decided to make 12 tracks about Birth flower and released these one by one every week but this is the last entry !
It was long but short at the same time.

When we made the schedule decision, SHINDEHAI said
"Is this schedule long, no? Listeners don't feel it boring?"

Of course this depends on a person.
I mean school students can check Youtube or website everyday, but Japanese businessman can't do that.
They check internet once a week.
So if we release 12 tracks every day, adults can't chase this ! XD
And SHINDEHAI & I can make something speedy and we're anytime using internet.
But normally "1 song a week" is high pace enough !! ^^
So at first he said that 12 weeks are long but I feel it was not long now.
Of course I felt it would be far future at first though.^^


Anyway this song is for cyclamen, the birth flower of December.
The flower language is "Shyness".
I show you the lyrics here.

My truth　Written by (V)・∀・(V)

街は冷たく輝いて
　MACHI WA TSUMETAKU KAGAYAITE
　The town shines bright and cold.
息は綿毛のように白く
　IKI WA WATAGE NO YOUNI SHIROKU
　Breath is white like a tomentose.

途切れた会話の間を埋める
　TOGIRETA KAIWA NO MA WO UMERU
　Disconnected conversation is filled by
空の彼方　冬の星座
　SORA NO KANATA FUYU NO SEIZA
　winter constellations over the sky.

もつれた糸を手繰り寄せ
　MOTSURETA ITO WO TAGURIYOSE
　Like hauling into my hands snarled thread and
ほぐすように言葉探す
　HOGUSU YOUNI KOTOBA SAGASU
　loosen, I'm searching word to say.

ありったけの語彙を集め
　ARITTAKE NO GOI WO ATSUME
　By collecting vocabulary as much as possible
とびっきりの花を添えて
　TOBIKKIRI NO HANA WO SOETE
　Attach a superior flower
最愛の君にキモチ贈りたいけど
　SAIAI NO KIMI NI KIMOCHI OKURITAI KEDO
　I want to give you my heart but

言葉では表せない
　KOTOBA DEWA ARAWASENAI
　I can't experss it by words
花束も手渡せない
　HANATABA MO TEWATASENAI
　I can't hand you flowers neither
置き去りの僕のキモチ凍えて眠る
　OKIZARI NO BOKU NO KIMOCHI KOGOETE NEMURU
　My heart is left and sleeping freezing.

「愛」は鎖のように重く
　AI WA KUSARI NO YOUNI OMOKU
　"Love" is heavy like chains.
「恋」は羽根のように軽く
　KOI WA HANE NO YOUNI KARUKU
　"Love" is light like a feather.

コトバの森では
　KOTOBA NO MORI DEWA
　In the forest of words,
迷ったココロが出口を見つけて
　MAYOTTA KOKORO GA DEGUCHI WO MITSUKETE
　when wondering mind would find an exit and
這い出すときには
　HAIDASU TOKI NIWA
　crawl out,
イビツに捩れてる
　IBITSU NI NEJIRETERU
　the ming is distorted and twisted.

時には涙に濡れて
　TOKINIWA NAMIDA NI NURETE
　Sometimes I'm wet with tears and
生き疲れた心洗う
　IKITSUKARETA KOKORO ARAU
　wash my heart that is tired with living.
それでも癒えない傷は
　SOREDEMO IENAI KIZU WA
　Still the wound not to be cured
思い出と縫い合わせて
　OMOIDE TO NUIAWASETE
　I sew it with memory.

時にはぬくもりに会い
　TOKINIWA NUKUMORI NI AI
　Sometimes I meet warmth and
凍えきった心包む
　KOGOEKITTA KOKORO TSUTSUMU
　wrap my heart that is freezing.
それでも言えない言葉
　SOREDEMO IENAI KOTOBA
　Still the word not to be told
たった一言「あいしてる」
　TATTA HITOKOTO AISHITERU
　is "I love you"

ありったけの語彙を集め
　ARITTAKE NO GOI WO ATSUME
とびっきりの花を添えて
　TOBIKKIRI NO HANA WO SOETE
最愛の君にキモチ贈りたいけど
　SAIAI NO KIMI NI KIMOCHI OKURITAI KEDO

言葉では表せない
　KOTOBA DEWA ARAWASENAI
花束も手渡せない
　HANATABA MO TEWATASENAI
置き去りの僕のキモチ凍えて眠る
　OKIZARI NO BOKU NO KIMOCHI KOGOETE NEMURU

忘れないよ君の涙
　WASURENAIYO KIMI NO NAMIDA
　I never forget your tears
聴きたいよ君の声が
　KIKITAIYO KIMI NO KOEGA
　I wanna hear your boice
生きたいよ君とキズナ結べるのなら
　IKITAIYO KIMI TO KIZUNA MUSUBERUNONARA
　I wanna live if I could tighten bonds

言葉では言えないけど
　KOTOBA DEWA IENAIKEDO
　I can't use words well
形にも出来ないけど
　KATACHI NIMO DEKINAIKEDO
　and I can't make any form but
開けるよ僕のココロ
　HIRAKERU YO BOKU NO KOKORO
　I can open my mind
覗きたいなら
　NOZOKITAINARA
　if you want to look into it.


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I imagined ”poor talker", "a clumsy person".
Because they are SHY.

But "lyrics" is a universe of words.
So it's not good way to give word to "poor talker", because there are so much words. XD
Lyrics are too talkative to express poor talker ! XD
Although I tried to speak for the person.

I think that poor talker has something that he want to talk but he hesitates always.
He doesn't know how to express his feeling.
So he can't speak smoothly or find best words well.
Of course there is the case that the reason is shyness or pride.
He might overthink about the definition of the word.
Even if you're not poor talker, you might not be able to find best word when it's especially important moment.
Because of stress.
It's same for me.
I can't express well my feeling sometimes.
Words and expression is difficult.

So I know the feeling that words are not the best tool to express the truth.
Language is good tool to express something or event that really exists of happened.
But "feelings" "mind" don't have any form.
Although there is fact that we "felt" or "thought".
So when we must talk about feeling, we talk about something without form.
We change it for words.
So this is originally impossible.
We have never SEEN the feeling really. I mean we don't have IDEA(ιδέα) about our various feeling correctly.
The more we use words, the more we go away from truth.

Please imagine this.
"A curtain shakes by wind"
We can imagine almost same.
If there would be some modifier, even more easy.
"Green curtain shakes by hard wind"
Precise.

But we have never seen and touched "mind".
We regard it exists but we can't see, touch, smell, hear..., just feel.
Curtain exists outside of our body and we can see.
But we can't see the feeling "like" "hate" or "fear" "beautiful"...
So whenever we change it for words, there will be something wrong between us.


So I think that a person who hesitates to change his feeling for words feels his own mind very important.
He doesn't want to cause Disagreement.
Because if we change some feeling for words, it might become ruined.
Ah but I like words and language actually !!!!
And I want to express my feeling as far as possible.
But this is different problem.
Words is not ”a general‐purpose tool".

I can understand Nietzsche a bit, a philosopher who was particular about metaphor.
We used to use metaphor when we write lyrics.
Because in Japanese we can't many words because of the syllable.
So we used words that is far from definition daringly.
This is a "SONG", not an article.

And Japanese people don't say "I love you" but I think the reason is that
they don't know if it's correct or best way to say.
Of course there is some timing that saying "I love you" is "better".
But this is just case study.
As I said we can't output our "mind of love" from our body and show saying that it's love.
We must face the question whether or not the feeling is love, forever.

So human made many songs and will make songs from now on.
To express our mind that doesn't have form.
I was thinking why the music has been existing since it was born but
I found the an answer.
Music and song is the only way to attach form to mind a bit.